Bad Mommy

Thump (pause) SCREeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeAM! No...he didn't...did he? I bolted into the room and found my poor baby lying there on his back next to a pillow screaming his bloody head off. He had finally done what I feared he would eventually. Lucas had rolled off the bed.

I had left him in our room happily playing on our bed a few minutes earlier to clean up a mess he made. I had even taken the safety procautions to block him from falling with pillows, or so I thought. On my way back, I got distracted by email, but for only a second.

I felt like such a terrible, neglectful mother to let something like that happen to my little son. Luckily, almost as soon as I held him and kissed him he stopped crying. Lucas was absolutely fine. The fall probably just surprised him. Someday when he does something crazy, I can blame it on the time he fell on his head when he was a baby.

Fire

We had a little scare a couple days ago. I was trying to nap and heard a weird popping noise from the front of the house. I wondered what Lucas was doing in his crib, but looked at the baby monitor and realized that the sound wasn't coming from his room. Maybe it was construction sounds from the roofers across the street? I heard the strange sound again and had to investigate.

As I entered our office I smelled a pungent smoke and saw ash pouring from the computer monitor. Ack, we have a fire!! Not sure what to do, I called Mike at work. Wouldn't you know it, he wasn't at his desk so I left a voice mail. "Our office is on fire, call as soon as you can." I peered into the place where the smoke was rising from and saw a ball of flame inside. Shaking, I dialed 911 for the first time in my life. This thing could blow up and ignite the room, our wooden roof and maybe burn our house down.

As I was talking to the operator, I grabbed my sleeping baby from the next room in one arm and our wedding album in the other. He looked very confused and groggy and perhaps even a little pissed off. If he could have spoken he would have said, "Hey, ma, what are you doing?! Can'tcha see I'm sleeping here." Little did he know, I was saving his life.

As I was getting off with 911, the other line beeped in and it was Mike. I quickly explained the situation. "Did you unplug the monitor?" Uh, no. So, I dropped Lucas off on our bed...I wasn't going to take my baby into the inferno ...and ran in risking my life to try to find the right plug in the sea of wires. Once I unplugged everything in the room, I evacuated the house with the baby. I phoned my parents as the fire engine with sirens screaming pulled up in front. So cool! If only Lucas was old enough to appreciated it. They brought the smoking monitor out of the house and fanned out all of the toxic fumes (though it still smells a little acrid like fried machinery in here).

Mike came home, we went to the mall to allow our place to further air out and he took me out to dinner.

Anyway, as a word of friendly advice...don't leave anything electronic running while you are not at home. The fireman said in another 30 minutes, we would have had a house fire. Praise God that we were all safe, as was our place, all but the toasted monitor. Now Mike has an excuse to finally get that flat screen.

Small Again

I am getting thin again. It's nice to nearly have my old body back after seeing it morph into something huge and unfamiliar for about a year. Only about 3 pounds to go to get back to my prepregnancy weight. Not too shabby.

Is this because I am training for a marathon and running my butt (and thighs, and stomach, etc.) off? Nope, I'm having a really tough time getting into a running routine with the baking summer heat and my recent lack of sleep at night with a sick and perhaps teething baby. My recent shrinkage is primarily because I am on a new "I can't eat anything" diet. Lucas has so many food allergies that I am severely limited as to what I can eat. No dairy, soy, nuts or berries. It's tough because I am a sweet tooth and ice cream junkie and those are all off limits. Also, soy is in everything. Try checking any label and I'll bet you find a soy ingredient.

I am starting to wean him which is really sad but probably best for all of us. If he would just freakin' take the formula. He pushes the bottle away and screams. I can't imagine why?! The stuff smells like feet and he let's me know he hates it. If he keeps this up, he's going to start shrinking, too. I don't know what to do.

New Tricks

Here are a few of Lucas' latest learned stunts:
1) Toe sucking
2) Making bubbles and fart noises with his lips
3) Rolling over (he's been doing this for over a month now)
4) And my personal favorite...trying to touch the baby that he sees in the mirror

It is AMAZING to see him grow.

Twentysomething

Only one more year of my twenties to go. Weird. Am I old?!

Last year on this day, I found out that I was pregnant. My how my life has changed in just 365 days. Different home, different job, different state. It's like I am not really me anymore. Wait, I am still me, but only better.

Fears Realized

Today, two of my greatest fears came true today (well nearly anyway).

1) My little boy almost rolled off our bed.
2) I put my hand in the garbage disposal with the "blades" still spinning.

Let's just say that I caught him just in time before he fell to bonk his head or worse. And luckily all of my digits remain intact after reaching into the disposal that was still apparently on. I wouldn't stick my hand in there for years fearing that it would just randomly turn on. Now it is something that I routinely clean out. I turned the switch off and stuck my fist in only to feel the quick sting of the churning machine. It did absolutely nothing to me, but I hurt mentally for an hour or so. Mike wouldn't take me to the hospital like I asked him. Jerk!

Now I need to avoid all bridges (so I don't drive off), walking on thin ice (so I don't plunge into the frigid depths unable to find the hole I fell in), and guard my teeth with my life (so they don't get shattered, of course). And then there are spiders...

Silence

What is it anymore? It's something that I rarely hear these days. I shower to screaming, eat to whining, and shop to cries. Oh and I have a good baby. He's not colicy or anything. Oops, there he goes, he's up and fussing AGAIN...gotta run.

Sleeping In

I have a whole new perspective on sleeping in now that I am a momma. This morning when the sun came streaming in the window, I peeked at the clock and it was a little after 6 am. I thought, "Oh good, I get to sleep in today." And I actually felt refreshed for a change. REFRESHED AT FREAKING SIX IN THE MORNING!! I remember the days not too long ago when sleeping in was snoozing until around 9 am. Now we are lucky to get shut eye after 6.

Yesterday was a tough morning. He woke up at 4:30 am and didn't want to go back to bed after that. I think that he wanted to be with his daddy for Father's Day. So we pulled him in between us and eventually the little guy conked out and we were able to get a tad more rest in. I kinda like those weekend mornings where we all cuddle up together in our bed. It reminds me of crawling into my own parent's bed when I was a kid. And how safe and loved I felt. Now we are on the other side of the bed--the parents. It is still crazy to think it, yet wonderful.

It's Official

Starting next week, I start my training for the December 4 California International Marathon. I've recruited a training sucker, er, I mean partner and I am rearing to go. I've got 10-15 pounds to go to get my old body back and I may just be there in time for bathing suit season. Whoopie!

Alone

This week I started really feeling like I am very much alone in California. Sure, I have friends here, but no real compadres as of yet. I don't talk on the phone with anyone. No girls night at a coffee shop. Or ever take a quick walk or jog with anyone. Just me and my baby all day long. It's a really tough transition after spending most of my life in one place and having countless pals to call up and/or hang out with in Orlando. I am no longer working either, so I have no real adult interaction. And Mike is gone for 10+ hours a day and then wants to have his unwind time, balance the check book, etc, when he walks in the door. After dinner and Lucas' bath, I am off to bed (often by myself).

I miss my friends, I miss my husband, I miss my old self and life. But I wouldn't give up this time with my sweet child for anything. I am just in a new stage now and hopefully I will get used to it and into more of a routine soon.

I need to be more purposeful about making friends, too. It is I who needs to make the effort. People here already have their friends, so I must seek them out. Maybe this season of aloneness is so that I can focus on God and my baby.

Busted

Last weekend as my sister was visiting, we ventured out for some sight seeing. I had my first feed Lucas in public experience. We were in Old Sacramento, a local tourist spot that resembles an gold mining town and it was time for my little boy to eat. Mike helped me to find a quiet bench in a secluded seeming area. There were hardly any people around as I covered myself with a blanket and started to feed my son. And then wouldn't you know it...a tour bus pulled up and people poured out. I'm glad that I wasn't arrested for indecent exposure. Oi.

Spoiled Sleeper

Today I am not feeling that great. I've been getting too little sleep lately and it is starting to catch up with me. When Lucas finished eating this afternoon, he was yawning and acting tired so I put him in his crib for a nap (hoping to get in a little catch up sleep myself). He whined and fussed on and off for about a half an hour. Finally, I got up and brought him into bed with me. He lay there looking at me for a minute or so, his eyes grew heavy, he slowly blinked a few times and then conked out. He is still sleeping in there an hour and a half later and I never got my nap. I just lay there watching him sleep. In awe that he is mine. Is he spoiled or what?

24--Jack no more?

I am not much of a TV watcher, but really got into the terrorist fighting drama, 24, this season. Last night, the season ended with the last two nail-biting episodes. We recorded it because we were out shopping and then had to get Lucas off to bed. After that, we were up until 12:30 engrossed in it. It's much nicer to watch recorded TV as you can fast forward through the commercials. That cut out 30 minutes of viewing time!

Anyway, I am sad that Jack Bauer, the main character, is probably off the show for good. You see, he had to fake his own death to prevent the Secret Service from killing him because the Chinese government wanted to question him for authorizing an attack on their Embassy. The order to do so ultimately came down from the White House and if the Chinese found this out it could result in very bad relations with the US. So, after being warned of his murder order, Jack acted like he had been shot, took meds to make his pulse stop, was revived by his CTU friends, taken to the border and given a new identity. Maybe just maybe, he will come back as Jacques Beauregard. The frenchman who actually wants to prevent terrorism, but only can in the US because his own county doesn't care. But unfortunately, I think that he is gone. Now who will do everything at CTU? Chloe?

High

It is 2:30 in the morning and I am buzzing. I drank coffee five or so hours ago like an idiot and am still racing. It was a very small amount, too, out of a child-sized mug. How pathetic that I am so effected by caffeine again after laying off it while pregnant and now while breastfeeding. To not be able to sleep when I am so deprived is torturous. After an hour of laying there twitching, I decided to get up and blog. It is the most high that I have ever felt (besides a runner's high after a good long run). I can literally feel the hair on my arms moving. This is sick. Coffee really is a drug.

Growth Spurt

My kiddo is fast growing. Today we graduated him into 3-6 month outfits. His old ones (especially the footed sleepers that he wears most of the time) were starting to pull at the neck and his legs couldn't fully extend in them anymore. The one that he is in now looked HUGE when I bought it a month or so ago. And he is really too big for his bassinet that he is napping in today. I think that he will be tall like his Daddy.

Ironic how he is growing and mamma is shrinking.

They FIT!

Real jeans. I tried all of mine on yesterday and found one pair that actually fit (ok, so they are low rise and REAL tight, but they fastened at the waist). A size six even. The others wouldn't have gone on unless I had used a crowbar and some axle grease. I wondered what kind of sick, freakish body I had before as I stood trying fruitlessly to tug pair after pair up over my butt. Will I ever look the same again? I think that it is time to run another marathon. I'm considering one in the fall or winter. How happy I am, though, to give up the maternity ones and wear real jeans again. Woo Hoo!

Mother's Day Present

On Sunday night, Lucas gave me his gift. He slept seven hours, only awakening once in the night (4 am) for a five minute snack. The next morning at 7 am when I was just starting to worry about him, he woke up. It was a welcome break from waking 2-4 times per night as I have over the past month and a half. What a perfect present to wake up refreshed for a change! Oh let it continue...

Sock Sucker

As I type this, my son is just nodding off to sleep after sucking on his sock. No, he is not a contortionist. The sock is on his hand. We have him wear his "hand socks" as we call them to keep him from scratching his face with his spastic newborn hands and razor sharp nails. They also keep him warm.

In the past week, it seems that he has discovered his thumb. Apparently, it tastes good to him, much to our dismay. Thumb sucking is a hard habit to break, not to mention the fact that it messes up kid's teeth. When I catch him munching on it, I try to pull it out and substitute it with a pacifier. He just makes a miserable face, spits the pacifier out and resumes shoving his sock-covered fist in his face. One would think that the sock on his hand would dissuade him from thumb sucking. Not so. Lucas just sucks away at the stinky sock and makes a face like I would when biting into a fine piece of chocolate.

Twin

We ventured out to Napa Valley this weekend on our first major outing since Lucas was born. He was so good, sleeping most of the 2 hour car ride there and through our whole picnic lunch, too. When he finally woke up, we walked around the winery gift shop for a little bit before we turned around and headed home.

A funny thing happened in the wine shop...A man holding a little baby boy about Lucas' size approached my mother-in-law to ask her a question. Instead of answering him, she shot back with another question. "Is that my grandson?" she demanded thinking that he had either abducted Lucas or that we were playing a trick on her. Turned out that it was a different kid a few weeks younger who really looked similar to my son. He was even wearing the same hat that Lucas had on that day. We got to talking to the couple and they live near us in Sacramento. After exchanging numbers with them, we parted and then ran into them again the next day at another tourist area called Old Sacramento. What a random way to meet new friends! At least I hope that they become our friends. After all, our sons could pass for twins.

Bottle Fed

My boy took the bottle like a pro this weekend. That means that I can get out sometime by myself for a few hours and Daddy can feed him.

It was so weird to see him eating from across the table and in someone elses arms instead of right beside me. Nice, but a little sad, too. He is growing up.